I recently received an online comment from someone criticizing the idea of writing memoirs, suggesting there’s no point for most people to write a memoir. It’s just about self-absorption, they said. What a strange thought.
No one is forcing anyone to read a memoir. I admit that we live in a time where it seems everyone wants to be a celebrity, an influencer. Too many of us are obsessed about the number of likes we get. We want to show off the fancy meal we’ve eaten, the famous place we’ve visited, the famous person we’ve met. But writing a memoir is not like that at all.
First, writing a memoir involves a lot of hard work. It takes time, it takes reflection, and it takes courage. It involves going deep and looking for the meaning in the events of our lives – a far cry from a selfie snapped in an instant in a “look at me” moment.
Memoirs are valuable in two key ways. First, they help the writer. They encourage the writer to process and make sense of their experiences. Writing a memoir helps you better understand yourself and to move on from past pain and regret. It can be a form of therapy. Memoirs also help the writer capture meaningful events from their life before they fade from memory.
Secondly, memoirs are of great value to readers. This is so obvious that it seems silly to put into words, but when someone questions their value, it shows that it’s not obvious to everyone.
Saying there’s no point in writing or reading memoirs is as absurd as saying, “Don’t listen to the experiences of anyone else. You can gain nothing from what they’ve experienced and the lessons they’ve learned. Just focus on your own life.” That kind of mentality is the truly self-absorbed approach, shutting ourselves off from other people’s lived experiences.
Consider the following examples:
-A young person interested in Japan reads a memoir about someone who spent a year teaching English in Japan. The memoir inspires them to go outside their comfort zone and find work overseas, having the adventure of a lifetime.
-Someone who experienced abuse in their childhood reads the memoir of a survivor of a similar situation. They gain strength and inspiration from the memoir, helping them process what they went through.
-A middle-aged man stuck in a 9-to-5 job he hates reads a memoir by a person who left the corporate world to pursue their artistic dreams. The memoir provides the man with the courage and inspiration to make big changes in his own life.
I could go on and on. Delving into a memoir is like engaging in a deep conversation. Not a trifling conversation with someone just rambling, but a meaningful exchange with someone who has thoughtfully considered what they are sharing.
My memoir Escape to Slovakia: Five Journeys from the Ukrainian Border is about my experiences helping refugees at the Ukrainian border in the weeks following Russia’s invasion in 2022. Those experiences had a profound effect on me. They gave me a sense of purpose and mission. They prompted me to make big changes in my life. I thought, “Maybe these experiences are meaningful enough to capture in a memoir; maybe others would also be interested in them.”
A big part of what prompted me to write a memoir was the inspiration I felt when I saw the other volunteers around me, people who’d dropped everything to do whatever they could to help. I thought others would also find inspiration in their actions. If I didn’t write about them, who would?
While assisting the refugees, I was struck by how everyone had a role to play when a major crisis occurs, from the large NGOs to the freelance individuals like me. All these factors came together to convince me that I had something worthwhile to write about, something worth spending months weaving into a coherent narrative. I also wanted to capture the memories for my own sake, so I could have a record of this meaningful event in my life, so I could revisit it, and so my children could learn about what I’d experienced when they were older.
Apart from many celebrity memoirs (usually ghostwritten by others), the vast majority of memoirs are not about getting attention or making money. Rather, the hard work is undertaken because of a feeling that you have something of value to share with others. It’s the opposite of self-absorption. It’s about what others can gain: “These events and insights were meaningful to me; perhaps they will be of value to others as well.”
If you are considering writing a memoir, don’t be discouraged by the naysayers, those who would convince you that you have nothing worthwhile to say. Every person’s life is meaningful. To share the significant events in your life, along with your thoughts and feelings, is an act of courage and generosity. Everyone’s story has value. Let’s hear yours.